Last Week in the World

President Bush's favorite dirty joke was reported to
be: "The only time I ever hit two good balls is when I
step on a rake."



The Senate went into recess, and George W. Bush
appointed John Bolton to be ambassador to the
United Nations. The Bush Administration started referring
to the War on Terror as "the global struggle against
violent extremism," and Karl Rove received a $4,000 raise.

A huge patch of ice was discovered on Mars, and an object
possibly larger than Pluto was discovered beyond the orbit
of Neptune. "Someone should have found this before," said
an astronomer.

Ultra-nationalists in Israel held a "pulsa denura"
ceremony to call on the angels of destruction to kill
Ariel Sharon.

A Nebraska man was charged with having sex with
the thirteen-year-old girl whom he had wed legally in
Kansas, and a homeless man in Nashville, Tennessee,
confessed to strangling two other homeless men. "I got
addicted," he explained, "to sucking the souls out of
people."

Kansas police took away, then returned, the left foot of an amputee named
Ezekiel Rubottom, who had been keeping his foot in a
bucket on a friend's porch. "It's all good," said
Rubottom.

British zoo authorities sent a parrot into seclusion after
the bird told two policemen, a mayor, and a vicar to fuck
off.